Yeah Linda. Most people are empathetic or at the least sympathetic and it's hard to not help someone in need. It's the figuring out who wants help and who wants pity. It gets easier with practice just like riding a bike.

Kim~

I love your insights, Indigo!

I have just begun to work with the four agreements. Although now that i am, i realize that i already was in a sort of haphazard way. Now that i have a clearer focus it helps me to be that way and on my way to a better life.
So, in life before the four agreements as i was exploring deeper principles in life i noticed much discomfort when i would share these with people. I noticed that i had so much tension built up that i really just wanted to let it fly. To help whoever i could with these new ideas. What i realized later was that this came from a desire in my life to help myself with them. I started applying this and took more of an aura of mystery. Kept my inner beliefs mainly to myself and just started applying them. I noticed a great deal of change. I had people coming and asking me what was my secret. At that point of course i wanted to share. But if i didnt feel they would even hear what i was saying i just let it be.
I feel that there is something much greater at work here. The projection of our own desires onto others. I really wanted to change my life and felt like if i could change the lives of others i would be doing them a favor. That maybe they would take these ideas i was working with and put action behind them. Now i realize that by doing the work myself i moved beyond having a bunch of knowledge into attaining wisdom.
Now as i move through life and my interactions with people i feel a much lighter heart about it. I feel no need to change another person. I can talk about a noodle and impart wisdom with it. And get some laughs about it as well. I feel the best way to impart my advice onto another person is to do so through humor. If they can see that not only am i making huge changes in my own life but am having fun in the process it seems all the more appealing to listen to what i have to say.
I went on this date the other night. It was a blind date with a person that i have chatted with for about a month on the net beforehand. It ended up being really amazing and eye opening for me. We both knew that where our internet conversations had taken us, into some really deep subjects. I changed the atmosphere by just being so light hearted. Showing her that not only was love a mental concept for me but an action as well. I was so intense but light hearted at the same time. After awhile she took a back seat to merely observe me with interested eyes. We both had an amazing time although i was the one that did most of the talking. We are both deep people but i showed something about myself by living with humor and a light heart.
In the process of this date i learned something huge about myself. The whole time i was experiencing these amazing emotions and having a great time. Afterward the mental kicked in and i started judging myself. Seeing how out there i was and started to get down on myself for it. I checked my email like 5 times a day for the next two days to see if she had written back yet. I wanted so badly to have that wild and fun self accepted by her. Then i realized that all i really want was for it to be accepted, and that i could do this myself. I had a great time with myself and i realized that it didnt matter what her dream about it was like. She seemed interested but as of yet she hasnt gotten in touch with me. Oh well, i had a great learning experience. I was seeing that my emotions speak my truth whereas the mental judgments can cloud what is. I have yet to take it personal that she hasnt contacted me since. I feel no guilt for what i did. I am amazed at the insight that i received from one date. A mere four hours and i have transformed my life forever since.

Cheers to the Four Agreements providing me a new insight and healthy way of looking at it!

~Love Always~


Graham

I can see your point, Stuart. But for me, I see a difference between judging and categorizing. This statement seems more like the later. To me, judging implies right/wrong, good/bad, or should/should not. Recognizing that it's often hard to communicate with someone who is in their own personal fog is not necessarily judging them.
The other point for me in all this is to recognize the chicken/egg relationship of the fog. What came first? The fog or the abuse? And who cares, you still love them anyway...

light
LW